So Many Memories

Everyone is in bed and the house is quiet...just the way I like it. I thought I'd read through some of the posts on my blog. Wow, I wasn't prepared for the wave of emotions that hit me as I did. Each funny story, hilarious comment and priceless picture reminded me how good life has been these last four years, for the most part. The birthdays, family visits, great times with friends, football games...so many memories.

It makes me smile, thinking about the wonderful times attached to the pictures and stories. But it also makes me sad because that chapter in my life has closed or is closing right now. Letting go of that life has been very difficult. So much so, that I find it hard to move forward. Part of it has to do with saying goodbye to some amazing people. Part of it is dealing with the regrets and unresolved issues. I pray that when the day comes that we drive away from here, God has given me the opportunity to make some things right. Either way...it will be a hard thing to do.

Life...Interrupted

Life was so very different the last time I posted my thoughts here. I was so very different too. In many ways I miss who I was then, but not in every way. Although this last year has been relentlessly tough, for the most part I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned...and for the person I'll one day be because of those lessons.

Beth Moore endured a short season of her life she describes as the "dark night of her soul". Nichole Nordeman's words express it well..."when it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul...when the world has gone gray and the rain's here to stay..."

Both these women have described how I've been feeling for quite a while. This is SO not like me. What I'm resolved to do, though, is trust that even though life isn't always good, God always is.

Project...Interrupted

Well, I didn't just quit this project. Well, I sorta did. Here's the deal:

I was unsure what my 40th birthday celebration might look like. Being during a holiday, it was hard to imagine anyone pulling off a bash with great turnout. DeVon threw a wonderful surprise party for my 30th birthday, but she’s in Iowa…and we’re not! I knew my friends here could certainly host a great party, but would they approach James like DeVon did? Anyway, it was important to James that my birthday be special.

So in stepped DeVon! Their plan for my celebration has amazed me. I can’t imagine a more meaningful way to celebrate life, family and friends! This is SO much better than the series of posts I had planned!

So, here it is…

Friday, November 7th, DeVon “surprised” me by flying to Texas to begin a 40-Day Birthday Celebration! Starting that day, I’d be receiving a gift or message from a different person each day. EACH DAY for 40 days. 40 days of celebrating my birthday. 40 days of hearing from people who love me. 40 days of being blessed! Oh my word. Just typing the words brings tears to my eyes! It took a while for that to sink in. Do I have 40 people in my life who would do that? LOL!!

So, now, instead of reading stuff just about me, you'll have the chance to read about those I love. Perhaps you'll be inspired by their generosity and creativity. Maybe you'll decide to bless someone in the same way I'm being blessed.

As for what I've already written, I may consolidate into one post. I'd like to continue with the idea, especially since so many of the thoughts are written, just not posted.

I'd also like my wonderful logo button re-designed so it will fit the new focus of the series of posts. I'm really looking forward to documenting this incredible adventure of birthday blessings! But I promise, the gifts are not all sappy and girly. Some are downright hilarious!

The experience has been indescribable, but I’ll try to explain what has happened each day and what the gift and the giver mean to me.

31 Days

Well, this is the week of our big PTO fundraiser, plus D brought the stomach bug home from school, so I haven't been able to get on my blog much. I'll try to catch up!



Things I Love About Where I Live

• I've made some amazing friends here.


• It only takes a couple of minutes to get anywhere in town.


• It's quiet and laid back.


• I've had the chance to get to know people who've lived in this little town their entire lives.


• When you ask where someone lives, you don't get an address, you hear, "Well, you know where so-and-so used to live?"


• Our undefeated varsity football team won the state championship last year. It was INSANE!


• Wherever you go in town, you see someone you know.


• The young Christian families are hungry for God and that has created quite a bond among us.


• I can call the florist and say, "Perry, this is Jill. Can you send something to..." I'm pretty sure I'm the only Jill!


• Half of the hometown crowd still has an account at the grocery store. They get a bill each month!


• Most of the people here are down-to-earth farming families, business owners, and educators.

There are certainly more things I love about this little town, but I've run out of time!

32 Days

More Things That Make Me Smile

• sharpies - no, really
• hanging out with little girls
• and old ladies, too!
• AE Drake Relay ice cream
• AE party dip
• going to son's school and getting at least 27 hugs from kiddos
• proving that a woman can be a good pastor's wife & be REAL @ the same time
• knowing I'm doing the very thing God told me I'd do back when I was 13
• seeing Miss E run up my sidewalk every morning, grinning and giggling
• hearing a nephew or niece say "Aunt Jill" for the first time
• seeing the combines cutting wheat
• listening to these cotton farmers tell their "stripper" stories!
• the way the snow and mountains look at dusk at our family getaway in Colorado
• hearing my best friend and her kids sing "Jingle Bells" because it's the first snow in Des Moines
• hearing Brandon call me "Mr. Jills"

33 Days

Things I Hated about Childhood

• scorpions!
• hearing young coyotes howling at night in the spring
• doing Christmas at an ungodly hour because Dad had to leave for work (didn't happen every year though)
• camping in "the bus"
• hearing my parents argue
• knowing older brother had messed up again, causing parents more grief
• not ever knowing what older brother would do
• having a big brother I loved, but feared at the same time
• RIDING THE BUS!
  

34 Days

Some Things I Loved about Childhood

• camping with my family
• going to church
• having my brother as my best friend
• finally getting a baby sister
• my girlfriends
• going to Dad's "firehall" on Halloween to be frightened half to death by other insane firemen!
• looking at store Christmas window displays in downtown Fort Worth
• attending Grandview Zebra football games
• visiting grandparents - more of that later

35 Days

Some Place I'd Love to Visit

• Prague
• Ireland
• Israel
• England
• Italy
• Canada
• Alaska
• Seattle
• Chicago (especially the Chicago Art Institute)
• Nova Scotia
• New England in the fall
• Savannah
• Jackson Hole
• Lake Tahoe
  

There are so many more, but that's all I could think of right now.

36 Days

Bad Habits

• not completing projects
• not cleaning up after myself RIGHT AWAY
• staying up too late
• not listening well
• procrastinating
• hitting the snooze button way too many times
• talking too much
• neglecting relationships
• telling everyone BUT hubby what the plan is
  

This is by no means the complete list. The rest will show up later, I'm sure. I'm just feeling very much like a SLACKER and need to find some chocolate to consume!

37 Days

What Would I Do With a Whole Lotta Cash

• tithe to my church
• pay off all debt, then invest, blah, blah, blah
• buy hubby a pick-up and an awesome drum set
• build a dream home...with a sound-proof music studio!
• build a dream backyard for the boys...get those monkeys outta my dream house!
• support the people, ministries, and organizations I've always wanted to help
• help out some family members
• anonymously meet people's needs
• start ministry to pastors' families - providing vacations/retreats they couldn't afford, but desperately need
• get rid of all my furniture and clothes...then start fresh
• pay someone else to manage it all!
  

It's a Boy Thing

This is what I discovered one day after the boys got out of the bathtub. Obviously, a very fierce battle had occured in the Land of Bafftub. The poor, headless snake never had a chance.

I immediately thought, "Do girl-moms find such things in the bathtub?"

Why do I love these pictures so much? They capture the essence of boy-dom, boy-hood, boy-ness...all things BOY! They make me laugh because the predator still has its kill hanging lifeless from its clenched teeth.

But most of all, I wonder which little testosterone-filled man-child left it on display in the corner of the tub?

38 Days

Instead of continuing yesterday's list, I thought I'd go in the opposite direction.

Things That Drive Me CRAZY

• female cashiers @ discount stores who've spent lots of money on their fake nails, yet wear no makeup and have skanky hair
• seeing toothless, illiterate southerners interviewed after a tornado has destroyed their trailer homes
• sitcoms that count on all things sexual to get ratings and keep our attention
• hearing a news anchor report the death of someone famous by saying "John Doe, dead, age 72"
• Disney and Nick shows (aimed at school-aged kids) that refer to girls as "hot"
• watching my kids act appalled when asked to pull their weight around here
• knowing people talk ABOUT my husband without talking TO him
• the Obamas
• Joe Biden
• being micro-managed
• feeling overwhelmed

39 Days

Well, here we go. The first REAL day of this adventure! I thought I'd start with something easy.

Things That Make Me Happy

• warm chocolate chip cookies (homemade, of course)
• listening to articulate women speak - especially Southern women!
• really good, gourmet coffee
• all things autumnal
• playing "White Rabbit" every month
• Blue Bell ice cream (can't seem to choose a favorite)
• Texas Bluebonnets
• listening to my ipod without interruption
• dessert @ Olive Garden with my girlfriends
• my kids' laughter
• drinking coffee on my front porch on fall mornings
• slobbery kisses from babies

I have lots more, but I think I'll save them for another day! Gotta pace myself. 40 is a BIG number, you know! Ugh.

40 Days to 40

Yep, that's right. 40 days from today, I'll be 40! 40...YEARS...OLD. I've heard myself say (without flinching) things like "I'll be 40 this year" or "This fall I'll turn 40". In fact, I like seeing people's reactions to the news...most of the time they're quite surprised. Maybe they thought I was much older! LOL!

But suddenly it feels...weird. That's the only word I can use to describe it right now. All this time I've laughed about it, pretended to dread it, etc. But today, it just feels weird.

For many, growing older, "ahem", hitting milestone birthdays, is cause for reflection. I'm no different. A good friend woke up the morning of his 40th birthday and suddenly felt overwhelmed with regret and disappointment. His life wasn't at all what he'd imagined it would be at 40. I really don't want that to happen to me. By the way, he didn't stay there long, because he began taking action and making changes.

So, I'm issuing myself a challenge. Being one of those very busy, no-time-to-slow-down kind of people, I don't make time for myself. Whether it's soaking in the tub, reading a book, going for a walk, or feeding my spirit, I usually put it off. Just too many other pressing needs. I neglect reflection, solitude, and creativity. So, my self-challenge is...blog 40 things about ME. That doesn't mean 40 straight days of blogging. It really means whatever I want it to mean. The last thing I need or want is the pressure of having requirements & restrictions on this thing. It's supposed to be fun, creative, silly, serious, authentic...ME.

It may seem a bit narcissistic, arrogant, self-centered, prideful...but really, it's just theraputic. I NEED to do this. (I hope this doesn't sound like a put-myself-first, Oprah-kinda-thing! I don't even watch that show!) It will be more like a journal. Some topics include:

• Things I Love
• Things I Dream About
• Hopes for my Kids
• Regrets
• Loved about Childhood
• I've Never...
• Struggles
• Bad Habits
• Embarrassing Moments
• What Makes Me Feel Old
• What Gives Me Purpose
• What Encourages Me
• What Irritates Me

You get the picture. It's something a stranger can read and feel like they've gotten to know me. Something my boys can read someday and know me a bit more. But it's certainly not a eulogy!

Anyway, it should be fun. Feel free to comment. Agree. Disagree. Tell how you've dealt with that very thing. But please, PLEASE don't think I'm doing this so everyone can tell me how much they love me. That's not what this is about. I know I'm loved.

I just hope this isn't the only post in this series. That would be so very typical of me!

And, by the way, special thanks to Kacole for the cute logo!

What My Kids Got from Kacole...

My sister loves making up new words and phrases. My favorite is "crappity crap". It really says so much about her personality and sense of humor! Well, I know she'll be so proud of her nephews when she reads this!

The other day, D was trying so hard to tell me about his day, but his tongue kept getting tied up. He said, "I was so tired today at school. It was hard to foc...concentr...focunstrate!"

I love it! Focunstrate has been used many times around here since then.

When you are almost five, some words are still hard to articulate, like "gespetti" (uh, that's spaghetti, in case you needed help). The mispronounced words have always been so cute, but there are fewer and fewer of them left in G-man's vocabulary.


When he recently discovered his brother and dad would be camping without him, his heart was understandably broken! He looked right into my eyes and said (with chin quivering, I swear!), "But I want to go on the Scubs Scouts Campout, too".


Oh man! It was pitiful...and effective!


He really likes his new Lightening McQueen tent! He stayed in or around it the 24+ hours the "Scubs Scouts" were gone! Since I wouldn't let him eat inside it, I had to convince him to pretend there's a campfire burning right outside the tent door. Everybody knows it's more fun to eat around a campfire.


And yes, we even ate s'mores!

So, Who's the Chick?

Oh, it's just my nine-year-old SON!

Happy Birthday, Dude!

If You Give a Girl a Cookie...

...she'll hang on to that cookie with one hand while holding a cell phone with the other! Even one-year-olds can multi-task!


Who can complain about returning to work when the day ends like this?

If You Know Where July Went, Could You Tell It to Come Back?

I do this to myself every year! May becomes insanely busy and I begin dreaming of LABS, that’s “Life After Bible School”. In my distorted reality, the boys and I will relax, read lots of books, make Jesse Tree ornaments, play lots of games, blah, blah, blah. In all my spare time I will reorganize and purge throughout the entire house, catch up on my severely neglected scrapbooks, write on my own blog and read a few others, sit down and read books without guilt, get crafty and make a few things, blah, blah, blah.

Well, here I am, on the last day of my summer, looking at that list and shaking my head! (It’s my last day of summer because it’s time for teachers to head back to work, so that means I do too! Macho Man and Miss E come back tomorrow.) Let’s see, we relaxed some, read a few books (not enough), we made no ornaments, I purged and reorganized about ¼ of the house, my scrapbooks are still severely neglected – and so is my blog. I’m pretty sure no one caught me sitting down with a book in my hand during the day. But, oh, I did get crafty yesterday!

Getting crafty has its own challenges when you live in the middle of nowhere, 75 miles from the center of all things crafty! I bought the paper and letters last week while visiting my sister. The only problem is I forgot to get the decoupage solution. Come to find out, you can’t buy that stuff anywhere in our county, even at the Alco 12 miles away. I know, because I drove over there expecting to find some. They had 17 kinds of craft glue, but no mod podge. I was beginning to wonder if it was banned in our dry county, like alcohol is! If you want a six pack you have to drive over to Goree. Maybe there’s a little stand outside the liquor store where all other banned substances are sold – like mod podge! Would I need to call one of my Goree girlfriends to swing by there and pick up a stash for me? We’d have to start coordinating decoupage runs to feed our crafting habits! Does it sound like I know too much about obtaining banned substances in Knox County? LOL! Don’t worry. This little Baptist preacher’s wife is only going by things she’s been told!

So, what now? Wait until the next trip to the big city? Absolutely not! I googled the stuff and discovered I could make it myself with my own craft glue! So I whipped up my own stuff and got to crafting. It was so much fun! I ignored everything around me, except the kids, and had a ball. Now I just need to find some ribbon and I'm done.


Whew, what a productive summer!

Actually, between the reading of a few books, the playing of many games, the reorganizing/purging of way too much stuff, and the one and only craft project, we experienced an amazing VBS, went on a life-changing mission trip, visited family and friends, agonized over a major decision (more of that to come), and really enjoyed ourselves.

So now it’s time to get dressed and get busy. I’ve got lots of reading, scrapbooking, crafting and purging to do!

G-man Says, Part 4

As is the case with most 4 year olds, G-man has a problem with whining. We've tried several things to train him to quit this annoying habit. I'm seriously considering this method:

Mom: "What do you think I should do if I hear you whine again?"
G-man: "Throw me out the window?"

He is his father's child.

Walking down the sidewalk this morning, G-man and I heard a bird make a noise in a tree. It was certainly more a squawk/screech than a chirp. G-man, in his very matter-of-fact way, says,

"I think I just heard a monkey!"

Where does he get this stuff? Oh, yeah, he's his father's child!

Seriously, I just went in to check on him one more time as he falls asleep. He was doing that thing he's done since he could control his own movements - sucking his thumb and gently touching his ear lobe with the first 2 fingers of his other hand (like a pair of scissors). Through these 4 years it has made me giggle and has flooded my heart with joy. He sucks him thumb only occasionally now, and I'm always strangely happy to catch him doing it, especially if he's doing the ear thing!

It's a strange and wonderful age. He's big enough to recognize a monkey's call when he hears one, but still baby enough to need that thumb sometimes.

Just as long as he still needs his momma, too!

Yep, Today's THAT Day!

picture from allposters.com